im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
