Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
