I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
