I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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