Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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