you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Semen is not good for contacts.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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