I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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