Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
