Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
