Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
