One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
