saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
