just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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