I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I came so hard my ears popped.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
