Where is the hickey?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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