she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
