Please, let me fuck your mom
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
