I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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