this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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