I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
