I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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