it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
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there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
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The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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