you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
