I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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