I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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