i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
