youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
