You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
