I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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