Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
