Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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