It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
