Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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