I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
