oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
