there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
