i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
