I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
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I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
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You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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