i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
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I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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