all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
ttyl tear gas
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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