I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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