I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
He has the fingertips of a God
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