I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
