I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
her vagine was all disorganized.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
