that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
