i would punch a child for taco bell
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
