I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
