i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
