girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize