im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
