Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just gargled with NyQuil
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
