i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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