and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I wish I only lived at night.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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