If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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