I could have mohawked her pubes.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
