so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
