just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
