The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
