I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
