dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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