This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
