Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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