I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
