It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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