I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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