i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
