I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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