we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
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Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
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you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life