well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP