Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.