he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car