oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
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My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
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They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence