weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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