we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
