If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
