i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
