it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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