isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
