I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
